We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
