I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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