Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
