All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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