I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
