Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
