my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
