I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
as a side note pls kill me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
