If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
