i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
