Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
