I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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