i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
