When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
