the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize