Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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