a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
