I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize