last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
