I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize