I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize