My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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