I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I currently don't understand fingers.
there is puke in my bra ... again
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
