Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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