We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I looked at my own cervix.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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