I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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