I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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