i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
