So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
