did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
