she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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