So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
