Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
