when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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