he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
