i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
