mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
