I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize