some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
