she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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