11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
