Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
