I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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