I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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