i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
