Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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