the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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