Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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