I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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