It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
