you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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