Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
