Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
