summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize