I just saw a hot homeless man
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
how does that bad decision feel?
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