69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
