Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
