Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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