I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
