There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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