The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
