One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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