Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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