never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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