I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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