wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
