Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize