Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
