And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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