sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
