This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
