Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
