We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
