Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
