just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
