Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize