3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
