i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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