I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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