Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
