Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
