I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
