She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
