You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
