You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize