Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize