Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
