ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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