I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
